I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
