I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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