I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
