it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
