i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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