My hand turned me down
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
