I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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