I wish my penis had an off switch
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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