I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
