2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
