Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
