Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
