the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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