Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
