Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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