My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
where does the pee come out of this thing
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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