Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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