theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
