and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
