I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
