probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
