why didn't you poke me back
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
