i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
