don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
