Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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