it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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