You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
