just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
