Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
