whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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