What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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