I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
