If that was your dad, he is hot
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
