my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
