I got chris browned last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
