yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
