They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
