i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
