Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
