Non-Jews are for practice
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
