Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
