I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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