I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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