she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
