That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
