Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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