If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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