I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
