When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
