what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
