Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
