i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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