That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
